Hi Irky,

Reading your second post I realize I may not be able to understand completely your relationship with this congregation and your background. But again you point out that these people are some type of authority and I am not sure how much freedome you have in choosing whether to participate in these events.

Of course that you are protecting yourself from that anger as this is a very powerful and destructive emotion. Thinks of it that it is better that way because you have the time to process it and decide how you want to react in this situation in a healthier and more effective way instead of saying or doing something blinded by anger.

Maybe if you start thinking that no matter what authority a person is, they are still people with flaws. We are often disappointed by people on whom we projected super qualities, like a father figure or spiritual guide. I also don;t know how young you are, I would assume you are a young person.

The way to protect yourself is to realize that these are only people with flaws like every human being. And they may not realize completely the effects of their actions or this may even not be something to be taken personally. It is hard to forgive a person on whom you project so great qualities and easier when you start seing them as normal human beings.

Why do you assume that if you go there you will have any reaction or they will react to you? It;s natural to be nervious at first when you start going there again given your latest experience but this will pass.

Do you want to go to these events, do you have to?