Hi M,

If possible, move out and move in with other room mates. This will do several things. Your boyfriend will appreciate you more and will want to make plans to be with you. Probably without Bob. Also, you will be more likely to get married down the line. Right now you are just “there” to the point where your boyfriend literally cannot see that someone is trash talking his girlfriend!

Say “No” to hanging out with Bob. You’re not telling BF what to do. Just say, “No thanks” to going out. If you get flack just use the broken record technique ~ keep saying “No thanks”. When BF comes back talking about what Bob said, especially concerning you, say, “I don’t want to hear it.”

Then make plans for romantic dinners, boat rides, picnics, a couple’s cooking class, a chick flick movie ~ something that only couples do together. So Bob would be the third wheel if he tries to join in LOL (he won’t).

A curious thing will happen. On the odd chance that you are “stuck” with Bob, if it’s been over a month since he’s seen you, he will probably be polite. You will have broken the old dynamic. Now, if Bob starts in with his crap, simply see him less and less and plan more and more one on one dates with your boyfriend (but don’t forbid him to see Bob, either, just not on your couple’s time!)

This will all work more powerfully if you have your own place.

Good Luck,

Inky