Marc,

Apologies in advance if this stings. Consider that perhaps you’ve made a web in your brain of what the world should be, and become agitated when the world doesn’t live up to your expectations. This habitual judgment sits you like a spider in the center of the web, waiting for another experience to fly in and wiggle the web so you can jump on it and suck the blood. Without metaphor, perhaps your ego has a rigid view of what is supposed to be, and when something arises that conflicts with that, you begin tearing it apart to feed your sense of what should be.

The problem with approaching life in this way is there is very little space for you to relax. Always a new experience that needs your attention, another moment that requires you to slam your gavel down and decide what it all means. So busy, so full, sorting out endless stacks of proof, who has the space or time to enjoy?

To deconstruct this habit, consider two activities. One, contemplate warm humility. All of us are foolish, stumbling around looking for happiness and contentment, learning as we try and try. Sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding. For me, this is best illustrated by kids learning their ABC’s. Their mind starts completely ignorant of what letter is what. And each one learns at their own pace. The first kid to memorize the letters isn’t better or worse than the last. Many factors play into the speed of learning, and none of those factors make one kid more or less acceptable or lovable than any other. For us to stand over the kids telling them they are smart or stupid is a waste of effort.

The second is to cultivate warm feelings for those that are learning, such as sitting and wishing the people in our life find happiness, wisdom, and peace (including ourselves). May we learn without unnecessary struggle, may we find our authentic smile, and so forth. Consider “Sharon salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

These practices together can help you unweave that web, open up the narrow minded quality of “only X is good”, and more easily let go of all that proof you’ve been seeking. Said differently, as an HSP, there is a lot of data coming in, so it helps to make space for it to flow in and flow out without jumping on it, grabbing for proof.

With warmth,
Matt