May I put in something? You can ignore this if it doesn’t make sense to you.

I understand that the thought of conforming merely for the sake of conforming gives you a bad taste, but does interests in movies, novels, hobbies, etc have to be about conforming/adhering to one opinion? People have their likes and dislikes. Two people might have the same hobby, but different reasons for keeping up with it, or they may just like it. A group of people might have the same opinion on a subject, but different viewpoints as to why. And it’s fine because people will have their opinions regardless. They are not conforming to one thing, but voicing their interests/connection to a subject with similar likes. It’s also fine to be speculative about someone’s else opinion (you just have to find a person’s whose opinion you trust to tell you the why to their like). Or if that didn’t make sense.

From your example of The Lego Movie: I didn’t watch it until a few years after it was made into disc form since it didn’t look interesting to me, but I did and I also didn’t like it. It didn’t really strike me as a good movie in my own opinion, though there were some lessons that I did agree with that was presented in the movie. I didn’t like the movie as a whole (subject), but I did like some of the amusing scenes. Some people might agree with me or disagree with me and that’s fine because it’s their opinion, which is something to be respected. So it’s not really about conforming or not conforming, it’s just people liking or disliking what they will. Of course, there are ‘zombies’, as you put it, that conform because they feel that they have to. But I believe that being aware of yourself and treating yourself with respect will prevent that from happening, which sounds like you already are so that’s no problem.

And I agree, it’s lonely that there might not be a lot of people that share your interests or opinion, but it never hurts to ask them about the why. They may not like something as a whole, but they may still like some of the details associated with it. It can bring about a good conversation and you might learn a little more about the person. Though I do encourage you to try the things that are the in at the moment, if it looks interesting to you, since you never know if you’ll like it or not unless you try it out for yourself. But it’s also fine if you don’t, it’s just a suggestion of mine.

I hope this helps you in some way. Best of luck to you.

Marc,

Its not that complicated – ironically all of us want to be different but we fail to realize how innately similiar we are. Interests and thinking may vary but there is a basic humanity and decency that binds us all. The more we focus on our differances, the more alienated we become. Be yourself but dont hate or dislike others if they are different from you. So what if their interests are more in the majority route? Would you like it if they judged your basic goodness and decency as a human being based on what books you read or movies you watched or what clothes you wore? People are very complex creatures who appear deceptively easy to typecast. Just like you, they are evolving every second. Learn to love and accept despite the differences. Your insecurities create this desire to stand out and conform at the same time. Hence the contradiction. The only way to find peace – just let go and learn to be happy with yourself despite it all. The day you love yourself unconditionally and start looking at the world from a more impartial eye, it wont be that bad, you say the news bothers you- well does the news cover the small wonderful things that happen too? Sacrifices, acts of kindess and selflessness happen everyday alongside brutality. You cant let the negativity cloud it all. Leave your mind and relly get involved in somethong that will shift your view from being different to being of service to others. The ego is a great servant but not a very good master.

– Moon

Marc,

Apologies in advance if this stings. Consider that perhaps you’ve made a web in your brain of what the world should be, and become agitated when the world doesn’t live up to your expectations. This habitual judgment sits you like a spider in the center of the web, waiting for another experience to fly in and wiggle the web so you can jump on it and suck the blood. Without metaphor, perhaps your ego has a rigid view of what is supposed to be, and when something arises that conflicts with that, you begin tearing it apart to feed your sense of what should be.

The problem with approaching life in this way is there is very little space for you to relax. Always a new experience that needs your attention, another moment that requires you to slam your gavel down and decide what it all means. So busy, so full, sorting out endless stacks of proof, who has the space or time to enjoy?

To deconstruct this habit, consider two activities. One, contemplate warm humility. All of us are foolish, stumbling around looking for happiness and contentment, learning as we try and try. Sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding. For me, this is best illustrated by kids learning their ABC’s. Their mind starts completely ignorant of what letter is what. And each one learns at their own pace. The first kid to memorize the letters isn’t better or worse than the last. Many factors play into the speed of learning, and none of those factors make one kid more or less acceptable or lovable than any other. For us to stand over the kids telling them they are smart or stupid is a waste of effort.

The second is to cultivate warm feelings for those that are learning, such as sitting and wishing the people in our life find happiness, wisdom, and peace (including ourselves). May we learn without unnecessary struggle, may we find our authentic smile, and so forth. Consider “Sharon salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

These practices together can help you unweave that web, open up the narrow minded quality of “only X is good”, and more easily let go of all that proof you’ve been seeking. Said differently, as an HSP, there is a lot of data coming in, so it helps to make space for it to flow in and flow out without jumping on it, grabbing for proof.

With warmth,
Matt