“You’re not a villain. You’re not a bad person. But you’re doing bad things, and I want to help you stop.”

This is a really tough situation to be in. I think some outside help is definitely needed, but I’m not sure the police will be the best first step, if only because it’s such a serious thing to do. His mother won’t take it well, and I’m not sure the police would be able to do much. It depends on what his father would say, but as he’s not called the police himself, he may downplay the situation to prevent her being getting mad at him. Abuse victims will generally try to calm and appease their abuser, even when it’s obvious that this is not a strategy that gets them anywhere.

There may be a domestic abuse helpline or organisation that would have a better idea of the services available in your area in this situation. Find out who and what organisation might be able to help, then take that information to his father. You’re in an awkward position as the son’s girlfriend, but doing research and talking to both the son and the father about their options is completely within your range of appropriate things to do.

I don’t really feel fit to advise on this. Find someone who is and take their advice. Calling the police is not going to be an easy fix. You may end up making things worse. Move carefully.

And look after yourself and you boyfriend. This is not easy on either of you.

I hope you’ll find a way forward.