Hi hotfuzz,

What struck me was that at one point you wrote, “…I wasn’t THAT into her” (after she visited her ex for a month) and… then you fell for her fast and hard.

As soon as she showed her own agency and power (to run off, have adventures, to pick and choose) you got emotionally attached.

You were like the “girl/feminine/passive force” in the relationship ~ where the “guy/masculine/active force” runs off and thus someone was left pining ~ you!

You weren’t upset because she didn’t communicate. Come on. You’re upset because she made major relationship decisions without you being a factor. But here’s the thing: You WEREN’T in a relationship, and TWO people have to say “yes” for one to exist. And here’s the other thing: No matter how much you love her, she has all the power in the world with one word, as flippant as it may be: “No”. That’s what’s driving you nuts.

It’s all about control. Otherwise you wouldn’t be all, “Why him and not me?” She doesn’t have to justify her decisions to you from a place of “No”. You cannot change her mind to get her from a “No” to a “Yes”. And even if you could, we don’t have the Playbook for her mind.

This is what I tell my daughter, and, yes, my sons: Only sleep with someone AFTER you’re in a committed relationship. It is so easy to get hurt, or to hurt the other person. Sex is NOT casual. There’s too much bio-chemical stuff going on. At some point you get attached. Usually it’s the girl, but guys do to!! That’s the way it’s meant to be. Mother Nature uses sex as a glue to help keep couples together.

Sorry so tough!!

Inky