Dear Name:
How are you doing these days? I read your original post and others’ comments. No wonder you can’t live with yourself. Part of yourself is operating AGAINST you, attacking you. Being under attack- no wonder you are suffering. The part of you that is attacking you, the Toxic Inner Critic, the Internal Attacker as I call it, the Internal Abuser (or the Fruedan Superego) is enrmous in your psyche and toxic. The child part of you (The Id in Freudan language) is suffering, having no one to protect her against the Internal Abuser. Healing is about developing an effective internal manager (Fruedan Ego) to protect your child part, to circumvent the Superego.

Obviously you have been a victim of trauma, most likely childhood trauma. Your Internal abuser took after a parent/ caretaker who in practice abused you- by neglect or otherwise.

Through healing you can make your psyche user friendly, meaning it stop attacking itself, one part attacking the other.

Please post again.
Take care:
anita