Hi NAME, I just recently read your story and It touched my heart with two emotions, sadness & hope.

First off I know you said you don’t want anyone to pity you but it’s ok if we do because you are hurting and good people like us don’t want to see you hurting and having a difficult time. What I feel really sad about is that you had a baby-sitter that treated you like shit when you were so young and vulnerable that it’s upsetting to know that when you were just a child someone who you needed guidance, love and acceptance from was indeed a predator who inflicted fear upon you. What hurts me even more is that you went and confided this information to your Dad and he did NOTHING. I understand why you didn’t tell your Mom later on because you were afraid that she would dismiss what happened too, just like your Dad did. Very shameful what your Dad did, as children for the most part do not lie about things like that. For you, I wish you were able to tell your Mom what had happened. It’s upsetting because I understand in my own personal way what you went through. Although brief, I had a baby-sitter that my mother left me with when I was 5 years old that was emotionally abusive and 1 time physically abusive by hitting me so hard that I wet myself. Luckily that evening her daughter who was an adult and a new Mom to an infant at the time witnessed what happened and rescued me by stopping her and she bathed me and cleaned me up before my Mom returned. She was a very kind soul. Here I was only 5 years old & now I’m 30 years old and I still haven’t forgotten her good deed from saving me from her abusive mother. Anyway, enough about me.

Name, I believe in you and know that there’s still hope for you as hope never goes away in life. There must be somebody in your family that you are close to? Whoever that person may be in your family, use the communication/social skills that you have with them and apply it to the person that you still care about. Please don’t be upset with me for saying this but it’s very important that you break the fear and muster up the courage to initiate a conversation about your feelings. If it was my ex, I would want her to tell me how she feels because I know that I still love my ex very much but as of right now, she chooses not to communicate, which hasn’t resolved a thing or maybe she doesn’t care, I don’t know. Either way point is – my heart is always open and able to face her emotions with an open heart, love, grace and understanding but the choice is up to her to initiate contact as I’ve done enough on my side. As for you NAME, nobody can force you to do anything but you are a valuable human being and there are people out there BELIEVE IT OR NOT that really & truly value you as a person and value your life. I have to say nothing is more attractive then when someone you love opens up their heart and soul and is completely raw about their emotions/feelings. Being open can actually brings couples and friends together and at times can mend previous relationships, from what I have witnessed. The choice is yours Name but remember you deserve happiness too.

Answer to question #1. You know when someone cares about you by their actions towards you. Communication is secondary to that. When someone truly cares, they go out of their way to make it known to you. The old saying (without being overly redundant) “Actions speak louder than words. Here is a great book for you that is called – The 5 Love Languages By Gary D. Chapman. You will love this book, it’s incredible! Sometimes words are meaningless and actions seems to say so much more and can be a lot more valuable then words, depending on the individual and the situation that is. Actions & Words are always a healthy mix though 🙂 There’s definitely nothing wrong with that. From a personal experience I know when someone has feelings for me right away when they are making eye contact with me, looking at me a lot and physically touching my body, holding my hands, briefly touching my arm with their fingertips ect. My ex Angela & I did a lot of those things together and we hugged a lot too. I would always tell her that I loved her but she already knew that by my actions and I knew she loved me too by her actions and the things she would do. Being a woman you feel love immediately bc we are a lot more sensitive. The book I suggested to you will cover a lot more of what I just mentioned, about how you know when someone cares about you. Although everybody’s love language is different, Mine is both physical & verbal of love languages and my ex-girlfriend, hers was mostly physical.

Answer to question #2. “How do you show you care about someone?” You can show you care about someone by your actions towards them, like an invitation to have an outing with you, whether it’s a hike, a coffee, small lunch or a walk in the park. The fun part is that you can choose how you want to show this person you care. You can bring them a little gift of some sort, like a candy bar or a single rose with a little note. Even a letter can be very romantic too. Or you can start with a phone call, I’m sure the person you are showing that you care will appreciate & be flattered by any one of those things I listed. Me personally I’m old school, I like spending time with the person I care about doing things outdoors together. I’m not fond of emails and electronic relationships. I enjoy getting to know someone out of the technology element, more 1 on 1 interaction, whether it’s outdoors or going to each others houses. Either way you won’t go wrong with your first initiation with showing this person that you care. Take a chance! You have nothing to lose! (((Hugs)))

Answer to question #3. You can become close with someone by sharing your passions or hobbies during conversation(s), it’s okay to open up a little bit. Remember; It’s really attractive to the person you like that likes you back when you are open, honest and raw. Be communicative with this person like you would with a family member. Show interest when they are telling you something about themselves, listen and observe and then respond however you feel is appropriate and comfortable for you. Make small talk here and there and see where it leads you. Take your time, open your heart and soul and become best friends and then lovers. No expectations but in order to attract love, a best friend or a long time partner, you must leave your heart open, be communicative and be honest about who you are as person/raw being. What makes me the happiest is when someone I love shows me who they are and talks to me about their emotions with that honest & passionate look in their eyes. Nothing draws me in more than someone who I really care about showing me who they really are. That’s why it’s important to just always be yourself but to also break those barriers of fears step by step. The word FEAR sounds scarier then what it looks because conquering fear is actually easy if you believe in yourself and are secure with yourself, that everything works out in the end anyway. Once you conquer the first hurdle of fear, you will always be brave and able to conquer fear when it presents itself to do what is needed in order to have peace of mind and a huge weight lifted off your shoulders (mentally speaking anyway.) Fear is the darkness, it’s very evil, destructive & self-sabotaging And… Love is an abundance of truth, light, and acceptance which continues to reward you with peace of mind and all the blessings you ask for in your life will happen if you can conquer your inner fears.

Name, I hope I was able to help you with the information that I shared with you this morning on the questions you had, although you asked Anita, it’s good to get another persons opinion & prospective. I have a lot of faith in you that you can DO THIS! 🙂 I believe in you & your HAPPINESS name. Love will never close the doors on you sweetheart, it’s up to you when you decide to open that door and receive all the love, affection, understanding, warmness, truth and light that has been awaiting you all this time. Whenever you are ready, LOVE will be there. If you have anymore questions please feel free to contact me.

Sincerely;

Elle Tinker.

“THE ENEMY IS FEAR. WE THINK IT IS HATE;
BUT, IT IS FEAR.” – GANDHI