I was married to a traveling, full time musician for 5 years (together 9 years total) I have a full time, salary job and know the feelings of resentment very well. Reading this in fact brought back much pain for me, and a heart of empathy for you. I was the “supportive wife” for a long time. I remember the resentment of watching him be passed out in bed after a night of playing music and drinking, while I was up getting ready for a day of work. Things for us dissolved and broke for many reasons other than just money but for my heart a large part of that was money. Working your butt off and giving someone all the money you make w/ nothing in return can be disastrous on your life.

I will tell you this, when we started going to counseling I voiced to her that I felt like I couldn’t leave my relationship because he wouldn’t be able to support himself. Do you know what she said to me? He is an adult. It is the same thing I would say to you. You are married to an adult. Just like you have been an adult and working, he is also capable of working and supporting himself if need be. I am a people-pleaser and it was very hard for me to finally wrap my mind around that. She also gave me the scenario of “what if you died, what would he do then?” That made me really think. You aren’t doing him any favors by supporting him fully. He is an adult and at some point he can’t depend on you.

You are loved and deserve the best that life can offer. I think that this situation is really hard and I am proud of the hard work you have been doing. I think it was smart of you to voice those issues to him and I wish I knew how to help your resentment. Honestly, only time can heal and tell.

=)