Dear lavender27:
I had no idea you are STILL abused, in your current life. There is no way you can heal if you are still in danger. Is there a WOMAN SHELTER you can go to??? I would say: take a few clothes, your medication, and move to a woman shelter. Most of the women there may be hiding from an abusive husband/ bf but an abusive father is not any less dangerous. Get a restraining order against your father. Never, ever go back to live with your father. In the future, maybe, sue him for the great damages he has caused you, but that is a maybe and a later thing.

Or maybe there is a way to legally remove your father from the house- is that an option? Did the police say anything on the matter- I mean he attacked you physically? How about a restraining order NOW, which means he will not be allowed in the house?

No wonder you have panic attacks- fueled by past abuse and present abuse. No wonder you are in great distress. No wonder you are angry and every cell in your body, as you wrote, is on fire.

First thing first: remove him from the house following a police complaint on your part and a restraining order OR remove yourself from the house. I hope others more knowledgable than me can help here OR I hope you can get information from a woman shelter in your area (CALL!) or another agency or church that can and will help you escape the CURRENT physical danger you are in.

Please write again!!!
anita