Dear Joel:
I read your last post above with great interest. I had a realization on the matter only a few days ago. I visited a couple. The woman (25) told me about a traumatic experience she had and the neurologial damage it caused her. I felt great empathy for her. Then later, her husband, 30, prepared a meal for me and was so proud of it. Even though what he prepared was SUPER fattenting, he was like a child that wanted to please me with his cooking. I felt great empathy for him and wanted him to know how much I enjoyed his meal, made sure he knew.

After I felt empathy for the woman, I realized I was able to feel empathy for her because I myself experienced childhood trauma and I paid the price for it with neurological disorders myself. THEN I SHIFTED THE OBJECT OF MY EMPATHY FROM HER TO ME. I saw myself in my mind’s eye- an image from when i was a young child and felt a moment of empathy for myself.

The day after the visit I realized that the reason I felt empathy for the man is that I too as a child, tried so hard to please, so I shifted the object of my empathy from him- to me.

When you feel empathy for others, take a moment and think: WHY are you feeling the empahty for the person: what in your experience was or is similar (a precondition for empahtizing with another) – once you realize what it is, shift your empathy from that person to your image of yourself (be it an image of you now or as a child).

This is the best and most recent answer I can come up with. Intellectually, there is no way to do it. The way to do it emotionally is take advantage of the opportunity when you already are emotional, that is feeling empathy for another, and when that happens- SHIFT.

anita