Happygirl,

Do you spend time playing with your husband? To me, it sounds like R is not the issue, R is like a thorn that is helping bring the issue to the surface. How do you let go of the accumulated stress of your daily do?

Consider a day trip into nature, just the two of you. Or more massage time, feet rubbing, maybe have him brush your hair. Give him more chances to express his love in actions. And be sure to do the same!

As far as R goes, your home is your safe space. Wanting to keep your home comfortable is not bowing out of anything. Its you, protecting what you love. I had an ex that was a friend of mine, and it made my wife uncomfortable. I expressed the situation to my teacher, “how do I deal with her jealousy and discomfort? I’m not very close with the ex, so how do I help her not make a big deal about nothing?” His suggestion: cut ties with the ex. “Is it worth it?” He asked. It wasn’t. Rather than trying to swallow, let go, grow past, and all that…. if R isn’t that big of a deal to him, perhaps he will see it isn’t worth bringing discomfort into his home.

With warmth,
Matt