I agree with you too regarding mails/texts versus face to face communication, but I really think it could help me figure out the nature of the relationship if I see him, plus he’s a friend on the basis and we haven’t seen each other in years, so I really would love to see him again. I will be clear about my intentions anyway, even if it takes time to explain it all to him. I also want him to tell me more about how he feels in person and I’m curious to know why he waited for me to text him this particular time to tell me about how he feels just now.

I don’t think I precised it, but he said he’s always been in love with me. He acts so detached about it though, and he’s convinced I knew it but I really didn’t. I told him I was sure about going abroad and he said that if it really what I want to do, I should follow my instinct and do it. He’s been “ironically pissed” that I was friend-zoning him again but I told him he has always sort of been there anyway so…

About not hurting people’s feeling, I guess it’s simply because I don’t want to hurt them. I really feel super bad about it. I’m very sensitive and I care for the others, they really matter to me. I’m concerned about everybody’s well-being around me, I hate drama and I hate to be the one who has to hurt the other. Not that I love being the hurt one, but it’s just who I am. Now I know sometimes I think more about what the others will feel like before my own feelings and I know it’s not what I should do, I should put myself first and I’m learning to do that, even if it goes against my nature.

I don’t know if my indecision comes from not wanting to hurt the others, it’s just that every time I take a decision, I feel like it wasn’t the right one and I see so many options and everything. I’ll take my decision anyway, even if it hurts him because I know that’s what I want to do and eventually he’ll understand. I just hope he’ll still be my friend.

He definitely is a good guy, and when I say he knows me well, I mean that he also knows my confusion well like the other day he answered his own question as if he was me and it was exactly the answer I would’ve give to him. He also knows and understand my artistic vision and interests, that’s what I meant. I won’t let him take the decision for me, I thought about it all and asked myself what were the advantages of both options on the long-term and which would help me with my actual situation and needs. And leaving is the answer.

When I say I wish someone could tell me what to do, I guess it’s for the “easy” side of it, I don’t think I’m avoiding anything except maybe taking the wrong decision. I know making decisions isn’t easy for anyone, but I think it’s harder for some people like me who either have no options at all or everything thrown at your face. Uni Guy said that I refused to be happy because I was scared so I’m sabotaging myself on purpose. It really hit me when he said that, I feel like he may be right. He wants to know why and I can’t even think of an answer.

Anyway, thanks a lot again for your insight Anita, you’re really helping!