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Lost Girl

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #78389
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Anita,

    Sorry for taking so long to answer but I’ve been pretty busy these past days.

    The situation I’m in kind of changed. I met the guy a couple of times, and I exposed to him everything. From my plan, to my fears and everything. Everything feels super easy with him, but also complicated because we’re both artists and he’s about to breakthrough. This being said, he always knew him and I were made to cross each other’s paths again and he feels like we can help each other growing as human beings, and also artistically. He really has a point there and I can feel there’s a real connection. I’m not talking about feelings, but I couldn’t even explain how much we’re complementary.

    He knows how I’m always going abroad and come back because I have “a feeling” that it’s the right thing for me to do. To him, I’m giving up when I do that. He says I’m wasting my potential to do great thing, and to be honest, he’s right. He really sees the person I am and the one I’m trying to be and I know that he really wants to help me with that. Since we met, it’s crazy but so many positive things happened. I feel like he knows really well how to bring the best out of me.

    Now I’m not saying I won’t go abroad, but I think I need to step back and think about the real reasons why I want to do it and the resources/plan I have to achieve it. I know it can sound like he has something to do with all that, well he sort of since he came back into my life, but if I look around right now, things have already changed for the better for me. But to make things clear, I don’t rely on him to bring me happiness and a purpose and everything, I just think he’s got a part to play in my life. I don’t know if it makes any sense.

    Thanks again for all the great pieces of advice! 🙂

    #77858
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    I agree with you too regarding mails/texts versus face to face communication, but I really think it could help me figure out the nature of the relationship if I see him, plus he’s a friend on the basis and we haven’t seen each other in years, so I really would love to see him again. I will be clear about my intentions anyway, even if it takes time to explain it all to him. I also want him to tell me more about how he feels in person and I’m curious to know why he waited for me to text him this particular time to tell me about how he feels just now.

    I don’t think I precised it, but he said he’s always been in love with me. He acts so detached about it though, and he’s convinced I knew it but I really didn’t. I told him I was sure about going abroad and he said that if it really what I want to do, I should follow my instinct and do it. He’s been “ironically pissed” that I was friend-zoning him again but I told him he has always sort of been there anyway so…

    About not hurting people’s feeling, I guess it’s simply because I don’t want to hurt them. I really feel super bad about it. I’m very sensitive and I care for the others, they really matter to me. I’m concerned about everybody’s well-being around me, I hate drama and I hate to be the one who has to hurt the other. Not that I love being the hurt one, but it’s just who I am. Now I know sometimes I think more about what the others will feel like before my own feelings and I know it’s not what I should do, I should put myself first and I’m learning to do that, even if it goes against my nature.

    I don’t know if my indecision comes from not wanting to hurt the others, it’s just that every time I take a decision, I feel like it wasn’t the right one and I see so many options and everything. I’ll take my decision anyway, even if it hurts him because I know that’s what I want to do and eventually he’ll understand. I just hope he’ll still be my friend.

    He definitely is a good guy, and when I say he knows me well, I mean that he also knows my confusion well like the other day he answered his own question as if he was me and it was exactly the answer I would’ve give to him. He also knows and understand my artistic vision and interests, that’s what I meant. I won’t let him take the decision for me, I thought about it all and asked myself what were the advantages of both options on the long-term and which would help me with my actual situation and needs. And leaving is the answer.

    When I say I wish someone could tell me what to do, I guess it’s for the “easy” side of it, I don’t think I’m avoiding anything except maybe taking the wrong decision. I know making decisions isn’t easy for anyone, but I think it’s harder for some people like me who either have no options at all or everything thrown at your face. Uni Guy said that I refused to be happy because I was scared so I’m sabotaging myself on purpose. It really hit me when he said that, I feel like he may be right. He wants to know why and I can’t even think of an answer.

    Anyway, thanks a lot again for your insight Anita, you’re really helping!

    #77802
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Thank you for your answers and new perspectives on the matter, it really helps 🙂

    I totally agree with both of you. Since I chose to move before talking to him again, I should not give up on my plan – since this is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. Not that I was willing to give up, but since I’m a little restraint financially and my plan does not have a deadline, I told myself I would go once my situation will be more favorable.

    I really don’t want to give up on that because this the only thing I’m sure I really want to do. I don’t know why but I have to.

    Anita, this is EXACTLY my mindset. It’s so hard living with that. I can never make a decision I’m sure of because I’m always thinking about all the possibilities, weighing the pros and the cons forever… It’s so tiring and frustrating, sometimes I wish someone could take all the decisions for me and tell me what to do.

    About him wanting to change my mind, I think he said that because he feels like he has a second chance to be with me and he hopes this time it won’t fail. I don’t think he would do anything too dramatic to prevent me from moving. In fact he’s pretty supportive in general. We’re both artists and he knows me very well and I think if he gets that it is important for me to achieve this thing I want to, then he’ll understand. He knows how indecisive I am and he said he’ll always be my friend no matter what. I just don’t want to hurt him again and push him away and not wanting to be my friend anymore. Even if we just talk every once in a while, I really value our relationship.

    What I’m afraid of though is regretting not trying with him. That’s why I think I should see him. To clarify things and see how I feel around him. If we’re still the flirty-friends or more. I think it can help if I tell him how I feel about it all.

    I wanted to see him face to face because texting can be misleading sometimes. And also because he wants to talk to me about some of his projects. What do you think?

    #77788
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Hi Anita, thanks for your answer!

    I don’t think I’ll be the problem in this situation. I’m not the one who’s pushing the relationship towards romance or intimacy at all.
    He definitely is interested in me and I don’t know if I want to be with him too. I mean, I’m not pushing it towards romance, but I’m not doing anything against it either. Maybe I want it unconsciously. It’s 50/50 and I don’t know how to make a decision.

    I’m supposed to see him next week and I think it might help me. But I’m scared that I might be sending wrong signs. I made it clear to him that I was planning to move abroad, he didn’t really like the idea and he says he can make me change my mind, but I don’t know if I should let him try or not. I don’t want to regret not leaving, but I don’t want to regret not trying with him either because who knows? Maybe he can change my life for the better and bring me a brand new perspective on my life and what I should do.

    Well, when I meet a guy in general, I’m always meeting as a friend. Just like I would meet a girl who’ll maybe become a friend. As I said, if the relationship changes, it won’t be because of me.

    #77669
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Hi Chaycups,

    First of all, congratulations for helping yourself and being in a program that is helping you with your addiction. That’s amazing, you must be really proud of yourself. Everyone is not brave enough and have the capacities and possibility to do that.

    I know what being emotionally overwhelmed feels like. It’s terrible. It’s confusing, it distorts your judgment and prevents you to move forward. Even if your life “reads well on paper”, it’s clear to me that it’s not the life you wish you were reading on paper. Add to that the office drama/romantico-family issues/expenses… you sure have a lot to worry about and not feeling worthy on top of that?? This is not bringing any positivity in your life…

    Of course I’m not minimizing your preoccupations, I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to clear your mind, forget your problems, put a huge smile on your face and act as if everything was fine, but it’s definately not helping you thinking clearly right now. If you carry on this path, you’ll end up in the vicious circle of sadness & co, that you’re dangerously flirting with already.

    But moving to that other place? Sounds great to me, why not trying that? The grass isn’t greener on the other side but if you have this option in the back of your mind, I really think you should go for it and I think you know it too. Maybe there you’ll get a job that’ll help you cover your expenses better and allow you to treat yourself, which would be a weight off and one less thing to worry about. Changing your environement will bring you a better perspective on your life. Leaving the place you’re at right now can only benefit you, no matter what you’ll find there.

    I am myself at a turning point in my life, trying to figure out where to go, and looking at it as if I was already gone helps me feel better about my current situation which isn’t verry pleasant either. I can already say that leaving is the right choice. Leaving probably is the right choice for you too.

    Think about the things you achieved, you are worthy! You are valuable and you matter just like we all do, and we all deserve to live a life as good as possible so why not you?

    Take care and go for it!

    Lost Girl.

    #76112
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    I try to explain to them my vision of life and what I’m doing with it, but they’re always telling me that it’s not life, that it’s not safe, it’s not realistic and so on… that’s why I gave up on explanations, plus I live in a family where dialogue doesn’t exist, it’s just going on way, there’s no exchange.

    I don’t know if it’s because of that but lately I’ve been questioning my motives and where I’m going etc. and some days, when I look at my reasoning through some family member’s eyes for example, I find it ridiculous.

    Thanks for your encouraging words, I hope staying positive is the right approach and that I’ll find the way to pursue my goal.

    #76065
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Hi Lela,

    You have no idea how much I needed those kind of words. They really comforted me and indeed brought a huge smile to my face, thank you so much.

    It’s a very hard situation to live mentally, and I don’t know if that’s what is making my anxiety worse some days or if it’s a natural part of the process.. but even if it’s scary sometimes, I’m trying to hang on to my positive thoughts and mindset the hardest I can, while I visualize myself reaching my goal.

    I’m so glad that I inspired and helped you. It profoundly touches me to know that I inspired someone. I hope you’ll find everything you’re looking for. I know you will and you know it too.

    My move to London has been somewhat postponed because I’m not receiving the help someone offered when I was going through a tough time, but it’s alright. I’ve been a little disappointed, but I realized it was an opportunity for me to achieve this by myself and in the end I will only be more proud. I didn’t want to let myself dwell on the disappointment because it just shows that we don’t control anything. We just have to go with what’s thrown at us, good or bad, do what we feel like doing about it and learn from it. I’m totally fine with that notion.

    Thank you for believing in me, I also believe in your abilities to change your situation if you feel like it’s the best thing to do for you. If you believe in me, you believe in yourself. We all are capable of great things!

    Thanks again for your help, support and encouragement, I wish you a great day and send you lots of positivity on your way to a better life!

    #75464
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Hi Ju,

    I don’t know if you read it already, I know a lot of people have, but I would recommend Paulo Cohelo’s book The Alchemist.
    I’ve been recommended this reading on this forum and I really loved it. It helped me a lot.

    On the other hand, I’d be glad to know what other people would recommend since I am in a similar case.

    Take care 🙂

    #73682
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    I used to be one of those who thought their life would be fixed the moment they’ll move somewhere or something. I experienced it and I realized I was completely wrong since I was trying hard to make things happen instead of going with the flow and letting them happen and nothing positive was happening. But now it’s different.
    I think I’ve mentioned this before but it is clear that I’ve reached a point in my life where I did everything I had to do where I am. There’s nothing left for me here. The more I stay here, the less I am myself. And today I know what I need and it’s getting out of here. I need to find myself in a totally different place, no matter where it is, where I’ll make my own decisions, live my own experience etc. without having to undergo a toxic environment because it’s like someone is taking my life away from me little by little and it became unbearable. My life isn’t mine where I am.

    Now I know moving to London or somewhere else won’t bring me happiness as you said since what matters is the journey, not the destination. I’m conscious of all that and I really don’t idealize how things will turn out. But I’m ready for the journey, more than ever. I know I’ll have my ups and downs and I’ll probably feel a lot of the same feelings I am feeling today, but at least I’ll be free to go my own way and I need to feel like I am responsible for what happens in my life to live it fully. I just feel the urge to do something on my own and I’m open to everything that could happen to me, good or bad.

    As you said, I know the right people will come into my life when it’ll be time, just like the right events.. On your side, I’m sure your mindset will take you exactly where you need to be.

    #73594
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Funny that you’re talking about that missed train, I was supposed to go to a concert I was very excited about tonight but couldn’t because of technical problems and I got home and saw your mail. I don’t know why I couldn’t make it to the show since I really wanted to, but I guess there must be a reason. I was very upset and disappointed, but then I realized I’ll probably have other occasions.

    I only know one person with who I can vaguely talk about all that and that’s fine for now. Other than that, nobody would understand and I think it’s not a bad thing since it’s better to keep things that matter to you only for yourself. And if it helps me moving on with my life in a better state of mind, I’d rather not let anyone interfere with that.

    I think it would be great to go back to this conversation in a year and see where we are on our journeys. I hope I’ll be happy with my life at that time, but if I’m not then I guess that’s just the way it has to be.

    #73426
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Hi Ben,

    First off, thank you very much for taking the time to answer me with so much attention. Your answer is full of knowledge and very good advices. It helps me a lot to have other opinions like yours.

    To answer your first question, it’s true I do believe something is happening to me, whether it’s a spiritual awakening or something like that but I don’t know how to take it. I’m trying to go with the flow with it, but sometimes it’s so overwhelming and intertwined with anxiety (that maybe is caused by it, I don’t know) that I tend to fear it and want to go back to my old self, when I was aware of all that and interested but wasn’t feeling so much concerned since I wasn’t living it.

    I haven’t read the book you’re talking about here, which seems to be an interesting read, but I documented myself a bit about past lives which, just like for you, sounded ridiculous to me a few years ago. But with the time, when I look back, it’s like my mind has slowly opened itself to so many things. I totally believe in it today, especially when I read about all these kids who remember their past lives. My cousin’s daughter seem to know some stuffs too. She’s 4 years old, and everytime she’s drawing me, she draws a baby in my belly, a big heart and a forest. She always does. And when I asked her why once, she said I “used to” have a baby girl. But that’s another story… As you said, if the feeling of belonging somewhere else is there, I don’t really know if it means it’s necessary to go there. Maybe it’s just a part of who I am and that’s it.

    I also believe it’s true that if you pray for something, it’s not going to happen literally, but you’ll be indirectly guided towards it or be given an opportunity to “make it happen” yourself. I’ll always remember a quote in Bruce Almighty – I know the reference isn’t very brilliant lol – when God says something like “If someone prays for patience, is God going to give them patience or an opportunity to be patient?” and that’s exactly what’s happening. I agree when you say it’s a part of us anyway. Things happen through us, voluntarily or not.

    My “I don’t know” phases do sound like I’m the kind of person who goes wih the flow, but I really don’t. Lately I’ve been trying to since I’ve been through some very hard times and questionning every single thing was just causing more questionning, doubt, stress, anxiety, fear and it was way too tiring. When I find myself doing it, I try to go back to the present moment but it’s a hard thing to remember when you drift away in your mind. Especially for me, I’ve always been obsessively weighing the pros and the cons to everything, from buying an apple to chosing a field of study. My sister is always saying she’s glad not to be inside my head when I’m trying to make a decision, I think it shows you how hard it is to go with the flow for me. It’s just that certain things presented themselves to me and the idea started growing in my mind and then it becomes something I feel like I have to do because I see it as a door that is going to lead me somewhere. And this way to see things comes more naturally for me now. I tend to let things happen and see where it takes me, when I’m not forced adapt the situation for someone else, which is precisely one of my concerns lately. Being surrounded by people you don’t feel connected to can be a very hard thing.

    Talking about my first time in London, as you’re saying, I also believe it wasn’t the right moment at the time. Because when I look back, I wasn’t the same person at all, and I would’ve done certain things differently like listening to myself expressing myself more. I think things would’ve been different if I wasn’t trying to please everyone around me back then. Today I absolutely don’t care if what I do doesn’t please my family, but they still have some hold on me and we’re on totally different wavelenght so it’s like we speak different languages, that’s why I’m trying to detach myself from them (without forgetting that they’re my family, even if they hurt me sometimes). The gap between us is getting bigger with the time and I don’t even feel the need to explain myself to them anymore since they don’t understand. They call it selfishness and apathy when I try to go my own way, and as you say, since we’re not on the same path, it’s even more difficult to get along with them. I don’t think I’ll ever talk about it all with them since they could never get it unless they experience the same thing and it can’t come from nobody but themselves.

    The thing you said about finding the truth is funny because there’s a certain artist I admire a lot who approaches everything he does like a quest for the truth and he always say that we should always seek it. That’s what I’m trying to do and I trust you when you say that if I feel like I should be somewhere else to find it, I should go for it (in other words lol). I hope you’ll find the answer to your moving question as well and I think that by simply moving forward, maybe things will fit together naturally and enlighten the path to follow. At least that’s what I hope for you and me too!

    #73388
    Lost Girl
    Participant

    Thanks for your answer Kory 🙂
    I know, my life isn’t suddenly going to make sense if I move to another city. You’re right, my life purpose isn’t going to materialize once I’ll move to London or New York, but I definitely think moving will trigger something.
    I know the grass isn’t greener on the other side, I experienced it when I moved to Canada and been disappointed because I had so many plans and expectations of how it was going to be. I’m conscious that no place is better than another, but I think some people aren’t born in the right places. I’m not saying my life would’ve been easy and everything if I wasn’t born where I was born but I probably would have feel less alone. I can’t relate to anybody where I am. I am in a dead end and everytime I fall, I come back to my family here and I feel trapped.
    I was thinking about moving to London soon but I’m doubting again…

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)