Action Ideas for Emotion Changes?

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This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by Bethany Rosselit.

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June 3, 2015 at 8:56 am #77661
Chaya
Participant
Hi All,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. If you could read the below and advise, I would really appreciate feedback.

I’m in a place in my life that has me feeling emotionally overwhelmed. I’m 23, live on my own in an apartment, and work full time in an administrative office. I try to spend time with friends/family and be of service to others.I’m in a 12 step program for an addiction, and I’m grateful that I’ve been in this program for close to 3 years now.

Although my life reads well on paper, I’m feeling overwhelmed, trapped, and sad most of the time. My job feels dead-end (no promotion is possible in my department), and there’s been some inter-office drama. My expenses exceed my income, and that’s without spending extra on anything to treat myself. I have some issues with romantic/family relationships. I spend a lot of time not feeling worthy/valuable and therefore people pleasing. Shame is my emotional constant.

I was thinking to move to a less isolated community (there aren’t any singles my age in my area) and possibly switch jobs when I move. I just am unsure what to do.

Post a response if anything comes to mind.

Thanks kindly.
- This topic was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Chaya.
June 3, 2015 at 10:11 am #77669

Lost Girl
Participant

Hi Chaycups,

First of all, congratulations for helping yourself and being in a program that is helping you with your addiction. That’s amazing, you must be really proud of yourself. Everyone is not brave enough and have the capacities and possibility to do that.

I know what being emotionally overwhelmed feels like. It’s terrible. It’s confusing, it distorts your judgment and prevents you to move forward. Even if your life “reads well on paper”, it’s clear to me that it’s not the life you wish you were reading on paper. Add to that the office drama/romantico-family issues/expenses… you sure have a lot to worry about and not feeling worthy on top of that?? This is not bringing any positivity in your life…

Of course I’m not minimizing your preoccupations, I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to clear your mind, forget your problems, put a huge smile on your face and act as if everything was fine, but it’s definately not helping you thinking clearly right now. If you carry on this path, you’ll end up in the vicious circle of sadness & co, that you’re dangerously flirting with already.

But moving to that other place? Sounds great to me, why not trying that? The grass isn’t greener on the other side but if you have this option in the back of your mind, I really think you should go for it and I think you know it too. Maybe there you’ll get a job that’ll help you cover your expenses better and allow you to treat yourself, which would be a weight off and one less thing to worry about. Changing your environement will bring you a better perspective on your life. Leaving the place you’re at right now can only benefit you, no matter what you’ll find there.

I am myself at a turning point in my life, trying to figure out where to go, and looking at it as if I was already gone helps me feel better about my current situation which isn’t verry pleasant either. I can already say that leaving is the right choice. Leaving probably is the right choice for you too.

Think about the things you achieved, you are worthy! You are valuable and you matter just like we all do, and we all deserve to live a life as good as possible so why not you?

Take care and go for it!

Lost Girl.

June 3, 2015 at 10:13 am #77670

Olga Kivaeva Vennik
Participant

Dear you. Thank you for sharing this with us.

The first thing that comes to my mind: It seems to me that you are stuck in a life that is not really in tune with your hearts desires. Do you know how to listen to your heart and follow it? What are your dreams and desires? What life would you like to create for yourself? Don’t be afraid of really wishing the best for yourself, because you deserve it and happiness is your birthright.

You seem like a very mature person for your age. Have you ever tried to go a little deeper within and really feel where this shame and low self-esteem comes from?
To really move forward we need to change from within. We need to find the real source of our problems, and that can be an old childhood trauma, or an issue that hasn’t really been resolved for a long time. Once the energy is balanced, our outer life automatically change. That’s just how it works in this universe. 🙂

You also seem a little stuck right now, as that you are afraid of making the wrong move. One thing is sure: There is no such thing as a wrong move. Every step you take forward will bring you somewhere. Let go of your fear of moving forward. ANY step will help, even the smallest one.

And the last thing I want to add: Sometimes it takes a complete crises to happen, in order for us to really wake up and start making changes for ourself. My point is: Be really happy that you are where you are right now, because it’s always the darkest before the dawn. And later you will look back and see that you wouldn’t have made it that far if you didn’t go through this challenging time in your life.

Wishing you all the best. 🙂

June 3, 2015 at 5:38 pm #77702

Anonymous
Guest

Dear chaycups:
You wrote: “Shame is my constant.” No wonder nothing feels right. It is good that you are in a program and cut off the self destructive addiction. It is a good thing you are working. Two positive things you are doing and I am sure there are more.

And the SHAME has to be dealt with. Shame is a powerful negative force- it will eat at anything and everything that you are or will be doing right… Continue/ re-start a GOOD psychotherapy (CBT/Mindfulenss…?). Whatever you decide to do, please take a step toward healing that shame. I know shame- i keep being amazed by how difficult it is to work through… very powerful, but possible to heal. Find meaning in healing your shame wherever you are, whatever you do…
anita

June 3, 2015 at 8:28 pm #77711

Anonymous
Guest

“Once I was able to face the shame and feel it – I became alive again. Let me tell you, there is nothing like the feeling of “taking your first breath” again. This life is an awesome awesome ride…you could transform shame by sharing it with someone you trust. It won’t have the same power over you eventually..”

I read this comment by someone on this site. I copied it for myself and later thought: you might like it too.

June 3, 2015 at 8:47 pm #77712

Matt
Participant

Chaycups,

In addition to the other kindly advice, consider that sometimes we have to give up the chase, sit down, and relax. When we become overwhelmed, often we get a feeling like we need to fix it. But when we’re overwhelmed, we are not in a good place to fix anything. Much like its difficult to see the sun on a rainy day, its not easy to shine the light of our inspiration when we’re feeling emotionally compacted.

Instead, what we can do is work to open up the space around the emotions. Shame, for instance, feeling isolated, can push us to try to become more worthy of connection. Looking for a golden key, some kind of right thing to say or do that makes us worth connecting with. Instead of seeking that golden key, we can sit, breathe, relax with our senses, and accept that no mistakes can disconnect us, no noble actions can connect us. We just are connected. Said differently, love is unconditional, so nothing you can do will make you more or less lovable. You’re stuck, unavoidably, permantenly lovable no matter what you do. So relax! That’s when you can look around, grab a bucket of paint and a paintbrush, and repaint your canvas in whatever hues you find lovely.

Consider reading some of Brene Brown’s work. She’s studied shame extensively, and is quite a beautiful spirit, helpful.

With warmth,
Matt

June 8, 2015 at 1:05 pm #77893

Bethany Rosselit
Participant

Hi Chaycups,

A lot of times addictions are the mind’s way of feeling good, because it is unable to feel safe. And your feelings of shame indicate that your mind is not feeling safe, on a subconscious level. Why do you have these feelings of shame? What is it that you are ashamed of, and why?

Asking questions like this and being very curious with your mind can help you unravel the misunderstandings (and yes, anything that leads to shame is a misunderstanding!) that you are having about yourself.

Bethany
http://onlinetherapyandcoaching.org
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