Matt said your “crazy” simply means “I’m passionate but also scared.” True words! It’ll be alright Mellilot. Keep your chin up and keep swimming and the sea will eventually calm. The only madness is quitting your pursuit of happiness. All the shaky moments are just learning phases which like suffering help you learn to help others, the best possible form of happiness! Those are my thoughts anyways. I hope things have improved for you since you’ve posted this.