Hi James

For a moment I thought you were my younger self having accessed a time machine, and I was worried that if I replied I might find myself in some weird seventh dimension…

In summary, you seem to be saying, “I don’t know what it is I want, but I know I don’t want this!” The fact is, the majority of people we meet every day feel like this. They just don’t want to admit it to themselves, so they crowd out those thoughts with other things. The difference with you is, you have realized it. And so you have already taken the biggest step towards changing it – simply acknowledging it.

The perfectionism thing is a very common problem – we don’t want to produce something mediocre, because we think others will judge us by it, so we end up producing nothing. I have spent many years trying to overcome it in myself, and even now, it is hard to hit that “Submit” button!

It took me a long time to decide what it was I really wanted out of life, and even longer to get started on it, mostly due to the perfectionism thing. But eventually, once I realized that doing something I wanted to do was always going to better than staying as I was, I started. I wasn’t very good at first, but I stuck at it because I loved it. I’m still nowhere near as good as I would like to be, but I’m better than if I’d never started. Deciding to change your life is hard. But not changing is a decision too.

The first thing to consider is, do you really want to change? I mean, really? Sticking with the status quo has its upsides – familiarity, predictability, simplicity. That’s why so many people do it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of – UNLESS you feel it hurting you, asphyxiating you, drowning you. And, from the tone of your posts, I think it is.

OK, so you know you want to change. What is it that will inspire you? What is it that you would love to do? What is it that, if money was no object, you would do every day anyway?

It can be a difficult question to answer, simply because we are sometimes too close to even see it. So take your time over it. Write down every idea you have. Choose some friends who will give you honest and sensible feedback what they think you are really good at. (Don’t worry about how to make money out of it at this stage – if they say “playing Warmachine” write it down – people make a fortune playing games on Youtube.)

Think back to what you really loved doing as a child. What got you excited? What did you do with yourself in those years when you didn’t even know what money was? Did you draw? Did you breakdance? Did you play sport? Did you put a box on your head and pretend to be a Stormtrooper? Write it all down.

Now look at your list. If you need more ideas, try combining two or more together (a breakdancing Stormtrooper? I’d pay to see that.)
Chances are, there will be two or three items on your list that really fire you up. That give you that burning desire. These will be the ones to focus on.

Unless you were a really unusual kid, I’m guessing your list won’t contain things like, “playing accountants”. So in terms of making a living out of your passion, it may not be obvious at first.

This is where you need to get creative. If it was painting, you could produce your own art, or train as a graphic designer, or an architect, or produce murals, re-spray cars, custom-paint motorcycles, design logos, become a sign-writer. If it was breakdancing, it could be a dance teacher, a fitness instructor, performing arts, kid’s parties. If it was pretending to be a Stormtrooper, well, a guy near me hires himself out doing just that.

Then just start doing it. Whether or not you get paid, and whether or not anyone even sees it. Start. It won’t be perfect. You will want to do it better. Good. That means it matters to you. So do it again.

Now, I’m not going to pretend to you that everything can be turned into a job you can do for a living. Maybe you will just end up doing it for the fun of it. But so what? You will have made your life that bit more enjoyable. And because you enjoy it, you will do it well. And because you do it well, you will be asked to do it more. And then…who knows?

You obviously have a fire smoldering within you, or you would never have written your post on this site. Keep feeding those flames, and you will burn more brightly than you could ever have believed.