Dear Anita Ma’am.

Each and every message of yours just gives me a new angle to look at the situation from,

Thank You.

You raised a couple of good points. I would like to clarify my stand on those.

The reason I write ‘ I feel that she is behaving like this might be because…’ is because whenever I have asked her reasons for her behavior and trust me I have many times, she has responded with things like ‘ I am not comfortable talking about feelings. Don’t complicate stuff’ or ‘ I requested you not to bring that topic up’ or changes the topic to small talk, etc. And this is why I used to send her messages as I felt uncomfortable and this irritated her. In her last message she told me that she used to ignore my messages because ‘ there is no point. We will get back to where we started’ . So if I am not getting any reply, what do I do?

When I was very sad during Feb and March, I read hon Tiny buddha and other such blogs,etc. that the reason for others’ behavior could be something compeltely different from what it seems- like her behavior appeared weird and rude to me but there might be valid reasons which I don’t know.

So I read about single child issues, about people feeling difficulty in opening up and found out possible reasons as, parental neglect or hurt, previous relationships etc. She also told me that she doesn’t feel like justifying her actions and doesn’t get attached which in her words is due to her upbringing, so I thought that okay, these are her reasons. THAT is why I write things like ‘ I feel’ etc. I had no choice as I didn’t want to believe that she is a bad friend for me.

Also, she is one of the popular girls and talks to a LOT of people- seniors, juniors, batchmates, etc. and is friends with most of them, and a common opinion regarding her is that she is one of the most fun-loving person to be around.She goes with the wind and lives life to the fullest.Everyone seems to adore her.
She is also an active part of an NGO which I volunteered for in my 2nd year in college and told me that she would love to open an NGO herself.

These things made me believe that how can someone who is fun loving in common opinion and cares about others(the NGO point) would be untrustworthy or dishonest. I might be childish but I believed that such a person would have a child-like wondeful soul. And so I might be the one who is too rigid and too serious and since Friendships involve forgiveness, I should forgive her and stay in touch.

Now, for your point about me ignoring myself and FOCUSING on her, you are right- that was the case for more than an year. I regret it now. I wanted to become a better coder and writer and have reached nowhere because I just couldn’t focus. Now, I want to focus on myself only and that is why I want to remove all distractions and this is probably the biggest of them.

I am 99.99% sure that I should ignore her now. The advice I receievd here has strengthened my resolve to focus on myself first but like I said it is only now that I am beginning to believe that she is not right for me and that fun-loving thing and NGO etc. might not carry much weight as I haven’t really asked in detail to people about her. She might not really be that good of a person. One friend told me that her attitue is neutral.

So, I am beginning to focus on myself.

What do you think? Is it possible that people who seem like fun to be around and everyone’s favourites and have so many friends could also have such deal breaking qualities like dishonesty or inability to just introspect?