Dear Cherry tree:
I remember I was quite disturbed when my therapist told me to take a walk around the block during my session with him and practice mindfulness during the walk. I thought to myself: I am paying so much money for the session! I can take a walk anytime! None of the mindfulness was to my liking for a long time. I was not ready. And that is okay that you are not. You only need to do what works for you at the moment. You don’t have to do anything just because others think it is the way and the solution. I don’t- I think the solution, your solution is an individual combination of things that only you can discover, experience and no other.

I know pain and I am sorry you are suffering as much as you do! I really, really do. At my worst time, before therapy, when I felt like the biggest failure in the world, I found a way to survive those times by no longer expecting my life to be any different than what it was. By saying to myself: okay, so this is the way it is. I am a failure. I am this or that. And no longer trying to change anything. Later I read that accepting a situation is a condition to changing it. But at the time I just accepted it so to relieve my distress and it worked. I wasn’t happy but less distressed. What do you think of that?

You wrote in capital letters that you are terrified that you lost your life and your family- meaning you are not sure that you did. What if you accepted that you did, accepted the worst, can you live with that?

I feel a bit uncomfortable suggesting something like that because you are so distressed. I am not a therapist (not a good one, not a bad one- and there are plenty of those)- please tell me what you think about adopting the attitude of ACCEPTING your current situation, accepting instead of fighting against?
anita