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Hi James – I have some similar issues, particularly around isolating myself. Lately I’ve felt like most of my human interactions have either been negative or have had some negativity associated with it – like going out to a party with friends and running into my ex and his new lover, or going out to dinner with a friend and having her talk mostly about herself. I definitely understand how it feels to feel stressful about people and interacting with them.
I think part of it for me is that I’m moving beyond my current communities. I’m feeling scared, but I think what I need to do is go out and explore communities where it’s not all about drugs and partying and drinking and screwing a bunch of people. Sounds obvious, I’m sure, but for me, it’s a group I’ve known for a long time and I’ve been blind to the negative effects on me, until now.
So I wonder if you’re not reaching out because you haven’t found your people or a community that calls to you.
I think procrastination or numbing behaviors (the internet, the video games, even reading) means that you’re scared to make changes, maybe scared that people won’t like you or want to connect. I think that’s really common; I know I’ve been in that place lately myself – going on Facebook for hours after work and not doing what I need to be doing.
I’m scared to fail, is I think what it is.
Do you know what you’re scared of?