Hey Rose Tattoo,

I really related to your post. I’ve also had a history of acting out in anger in relationships and acting like that “spoiled child” you described. And I used to justify that behavior by focusing on what the other person was doing to me. When I was finally forced to change my ways after nearly losing a man that I loved very much, I discovered that the only way for me to forgive myself and move on was to stop acting like that. It sounds so simple, yet is so so difficult. With the help of therapists, journaling, books, guidance, an accountability partner, MUCH willpower and self-control, and lots of prayer, I was able to change my ways. Never was I able to forgive myself until I was able to consistently act level-headed, support myself emotionally instead of depending on him, and pause before reacting. Until I could start acting like a real grown-up. Then I found forgiveness, my relationship improved DRASTICALLY, he even started behaving much better because he was being treated better, and now we both get to feel good about ourselves and be in a healthy relationship. We are still together today. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. And so worth it if you’re willing to give 110% to changing your behavior. It took a lot of time, definitely did not happen overnight, but it happened. And honestly, I don’t even get the urge to act in my old ways anymore, because I’ve spent years practicing new behavior and it’s just become normal to me.

Hope that reached you in some way.
Kristen