Dear rebecca:
You stated that your mother degraded who you were as a person. This is not to be minimized as people often do when they say things like “Oh, she (degrading mother in your case) did her best. Oh, it is only her insecurity. Oh, she meant well, etc.” No, no, no. Let us call it what it is: she degraded you as a person. She criticized you for just being you. this is heavy duty business, obviously it has handicapped you seriously so far in your life and if you don’t heal from such degredation, you will continue to suffer significantly.

You internalized your mother who lives in your head as part of your psyche and continues to criticize you so no wonder that you, the child part of you that is the same child you were then is terrorized by the internalized mother.

I had a terrible mother who criticized the hell out of me. I thought that if i had one person in my life who was like your father was, then I would be okay, or much better. But now, reading your story, i see that a critical mother can be very damaging even when a person has a supportive father. that is a shame.

There is a way or ways to HEAL from such degredation, from such abuse. Maybe good psychotherapy? Where you learn to identicy that internalized mother’s voice in your head (some call it the Internal Critic) and distance the rest of you from it, not identifying with it, over time, with practice… protecting your child part from it so she can come out and play, barefoot with ragged clothes.
anita