Cyd,

What you’re experiencing is pretty normal, frequent enough it has a pointer called “the Madonna/whore complex”. Loving warmth and sexual passion seem mutually exclusive.

The solution depends on how deeply it goes. Perhaps spend time acknowledging, resting with and accepting that every woman is a balance between motherly and minxly, just as every man is a balance between fatherly and studly. Both are good, fine, fun, healthy, part of the dance.

Consider laying off the porn for awhile, as there is a lot of debasement that can increase the division. When sex gets linked to the objectification form of dominance, it makes it that much more difficult to resolve warmth vs passion.

Consider reading about sacred sexuality. Sex isn’t just a game of boobs and boners and sense pleasures. Nor is it dirty or shameful. It’s a story of polar forces coming together into union, connecting, growing life. Perhaps some knowledge would help pull your perception of sex out of the shadow. If its there, of course.

Finally, this can sometimes run quite deep, so if it continues to trouble you, consider getting some therapy. A good therapist could help you uncover the false belief or other root issue that keeps your energy from flowing more simply.

With warmth,
Matt