Dear Andrew,

I kinda get it tbh – I have had social anxiety for years. I remember a time in my earlier years when i couldnt look at people in the eye while talking. Even mustering the courage to talk to them was even a greater issue. My voice is still low-pitch, i look here and there etc Its a mixture of fear and dislike – I used to dislike myself and truly believed with my heart that there is nothing about me that is likable. I am weird. I am not one of them (ironically i didnt want to one of them either). I still have days when i believe this inner voice but i know that there is so much good in me too whatever anyone says/thinks.

After all these years, I have understood two things – there are shitty people everywhere but here’s the deal – no one is perfect just like me. Some are better at pretending to keep up with the facade than others. However, despite our appearances, everyone has a back story of sorts. We are all different and yet the same – I have learnt to dodge people who are truly toxic to me in terms of their behavior (they treat me badly, are rude, unnecessarily pushy, callous as heck) rather than focus on their idiosyncrasies so much. I got mine too. I understood that no matter how much i thought about the world, the people will go one existing like me – How i view the world is often colored by how i see myself. When i am comfortable with myself and get closer to knowing who i really am, what i truly want, the more accepting i become of others. The second thing is empathy – there is more to people than meets the eye. I have understood this time and again. Try to put yourself in their shoes and feel what they feel. If it doesnt make sense to you, just laugh internally and tell yourself that okay, i cant crack this one nd will keep dodging the bullet as long as i can 😛

How has this process of change come about?

a) Step by step exposure – as Inky rightly pointed out, start with a safe zone and slowly, step by step push yourself – the only way to reduce your fears is by facing them gradually. About 1.5 years back, i couldnt imagine myself going to parties or meeting people outside my friends zone. Now i approach others, deal with conflicts with people more openly, express my anger more freely and know how to negotiate in professional situations too. This will not happen in a day but with effort over time, you will get more comfortable. I remember a time when stepping out of the house, i felt like an alien, as if everyone was staring at me – thinking, God i am so weird, ugly and hating them in a way for being all laughing, in groups etc. Now walking and going to places alone, eating alone in restaurants in the center itself is not an issue. How did this happen?

Practise

b) Understanding my needs better and slowly letting people in despite being betrayed, hurt beyond measure before – I admit it, I am cynical and suspicious of people as heck even now. I realized though, post-suicide attempts and terrible loneliness, feeling like a burden, hating people, longing for them – after all the confusion – “People enrich our lives with experiences and ideas but they cant complete it. Only we complete ourselves” – the happier you are with yourself, the easier it is to open up to others.

I am not really giving advice really. Its more like i am trying to share how i got closer to overcoming the issue. Please try whatever works for you. Its always good to get fresh ideas on an issue. I hope the others add to this discussion too.

Regards,
Moon