Dear snap38,

My heart goes out to you and I am deeply sorry for the loss you have experienced recently. Nobody in the world would blame you for feeling the way you do.

The strongest and most grateful people in the world are often those who have gone through immense difficulty, like you have. And, most likely, the worst of it is now over. Focus now on what you can take from all of this, how you can use what has happened to live a better, more loving, more giving life.

We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react. Not that it is easy, but with a bit of practice, it is becomes easier and easier to control our focus and how we feel. The human mind is designed to rule the inner world, if you take the reins.

One way to do this is through gratitude. Consistently redirecting your mind to that which you are grateful for, no matter how hard that may be. I will tell you a brief story of how I came to learn this.

I knew a man who was a firefighter and, one time while fighting a fire, a beam fell on top of him and he could not move until he was finally saved by another firefighter. Aferwards, he was paralyzed from the waist down and burned all over. He lost the use of most of his fingers. Yet, everyone around him was amazed by his attitude: he was always smiling. I’ll never forget his answer when I asked him, “How is it that you are always smiling about all of this?” and he replied, “Because I am focusing on what I have: my life. For that I am grateful”.

Here is a simple exercise to focus your mind on gratitude. Say as much as you can throughout the day, out loud, the following:

Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever.

And say it until you feel it.

You also mentioned that you are persuing a career in medicine, that is terrific. There is no more noble cause that healing others. Continue to focus on this and how you will be able to give and give through what you learn (not only in school, but in your life).

Someday you truly will look back on all of this as a wiser and better person. Until then, practice gratitude and watch life’s beauty come back in view.