Dear trianglesun:

You wrote in your note to me that you find yourself dwelling on negative things forever. It reminds me of something I read, that we as people do tend to dwell on negative things, that it is a normal human tendency that evolved through the millions of years or so because we evolved not so to be happy but to survive, and being alert to the predators in the environment was of highest priority for survival.

We evolved to survive, not to be happy.

I share your sentiment about how someone close to you can do something bad towards you, as you stated. It is mind boggling. It still boggles my mind. How my mother could destroy so much of me, so much of my life… all those years, repeatedly. Didn’t she notice? Didn’t she care? And at the same time I still long for her (but have no contact with her). I still long for her because the attachment is there, in my neurons.

Our attachment to others, evolutionary wise, evolved so to increase our chances for survival, that is why the baby deer follows his mother- protection and sustenance is there. That is why we want to be liked and loved by others- protection and sustenance is in the group. But when the group or the parent turns against you- when anyone you are attached to- turns against you, it goes against nature, against the WHY of our attachment to another. We get attached because it is supposed to increase our survivability, that is because it is good for us… and when it turns against us, it does boggle the mind and the heart.

anita