Dear Ecotone:

This is an opportunity for you to learn MORE, all is not lost when you learn something valuable, something that will prove worthwhile in your future dealings. If you learn, what you learn, if there is at all something to learn- is all up to you.

You wrote to her that she was an UNINTENTIONALLY MEAN person. Two things: that she was MEAN and that she was UNINTENTIONALLY mean. I don’t know what these things mean. You told her then (?) that she was cruel (mean) and that she couldn’t even see being cruel, therefore having no awareness of her cruely, or meanness…?

And then you told her that you couldn’t HELP but to care about her, as in SHOULD not care about her but compelled to care? As if she is not worthy of your care because she is mean and lack awareness of her meanness (therefore not having the power to change her meanness) but … lucky her, you are COMPELLED to care about her…

Is there some passive aggressiveness there, a mind game of sorts?

Perhaps anger at your ex wife who cheated on you, anger directed at this new woman?

How are you with anger? Is there a passive aggressive pattern to your behavior?

anita