Dear Melissa:

When you are able and willing to learn more about what happened, the truth of what happened, you can email or otherwise as your ex bf. Not that he will tell you the truth, not even his truth, but you can ask in the most un-threatening way, just so to get information and when he answers you, if he does, you can learn from his answer, not taking it on face value but examining it. Maybe asking questions based on his answer, to learn. If you communicate to him that you are only interested in understanding.

There is a line in that famous movie: “You can’t handle the truth.” Most people can’t handle some truth, often a lot of the truth. So it is up to you, to figure out if and when you are able to look objectively enough at what was and what is so to learn. Your mother will not be helpful in such learning because her rage and vengefulness is based on her projections, probably not accurate. I am assuming so because you and her clash so much, as you wrote, so I am imagining her feeling so protective of you does not mean she knows you very well. And I doubt she knows him or even you.

Once you feel confident enough in being able to “handle the truth”- you will seek it.
anita