Dear ALBB:

You wrote in your post that he is your “best friend”- that didn’t sound true to me and more so when at the end of your post you wrote: “I guess the truth is Im scared to be without him and i do really love him but hes said multiple times through out relationship if we break up then that’s it.”

A Best Friend is not a person who tells you: if you are no longer my girlfriend then you are not my friend. So will you consider not thinking of him as what he is not? A best friend is someone who is there for you whether or not you have physical intimacy with you, whether or not you live with him.

You are confused and distressed because on one hand you want to leave him and on the other hand you are afraid to leave him, two conflicting emotions: leave/ not leave. He must be aware of your conflict because you told him three times you want to break up. Yet, things “go back to normal.”

The fact that things “go back to normal” means that he ignored your assertion each time that you want to break up- and you ignored the same, going back to … normal. Going back to normal means: we are going to ignore ALBB- AGAIN.

So “normal” is ignoring YOU.

“Normal” is also safe for you, relatively safe.

Why is ignoring you safer than listening to you, behaving like what you say, what you feel matters?

anita