Dear J:

You wrote: “I have confrontational issues and I’m just a ‘grin and bear it’ kind of person.” –

When an animal is about to fight, I assume it feels angry, the emotion that motivates it to fight, the energy-in-motion (emotion) of anger is the same in you as it is in an animal in the wild, after all millions of years of evolution are encoded in our genes. Once the animal completed its fight- it is free of anger. It is a matter of insticts and emotions, not of thought… so grinning and bearing it attitude so common causes distress: the energy-in-motion not released in action will perculate, remaining in your neurons, fueling thoughts and more thoughts (obsessive thinking) and imaginations of actions that would release the anger (imagining bad things happening to that family).

It is all natural, in your biology, in my biology, it is nothing personal really. I suggest dropping the grinning and bearing it attitude and do what animals do- express it.

Of course not illegally- or terribly unethically- but somehow. In the future- “catch yourself” feeling angry, evaluate the situation and RESPOND- DO SOMETHING, say something, do something authentic to your anger.

In this case, I would write the letter you want to write to someone- the family? Someone- make it … reasonable, that is not “I wish you burn in hell” but make it strong and make your point, make it short and factual. Maybe mention why you didn’t complain then (the grin thing) but make it strong. Maybe practice here, on this thread- I will be glad to read your letter and give you suggestions, if you’d like. It can be fun- maybe put some humor to it… and make a resolution- PLEASE- no more grinning when you are angry.

anita