I think Moongal gave you a fantastic summary here:
“I think you’re looking to fix the outside without really understanding whats bothering you on the inside. You’ve gotta let go of living inside your head and really understand what is there in your heart, what is the real issue.”

If you are suffering from addictions and other internal issues, you will need to deal with those first otherwise, no matter what your physical looks are, you won’t be attrctive to a real partner (not one who will stick around). Think for a moment about your ideal mate. What kind of mate do they deserve in you? Begin there. Look into therapies that can assist you in beginning to deal with some of these internal issues that plague you and give yourself some time to heal before you try taking on the responsibility of a relationship.

Best of luck!
~Jodi