Hello again Libby,
I had no idea you have this much pain in your life and around your family. So sorry to hear how manipulative each person is (your mom, sister, brother, all of them). You seem like the voice of reason and sanity and I commend you for being able to take the high road.

Inky, Jodi and Anita have some great practical advice, so now you know your next steps.

However, I wanted to give a different perspective on the situation between your mom and you. Very close relationships, especially parent-child, spouses, teacher-student, etc. tend to be “Karmic” relationships. These are soul connections that may have been made prior to taking on life on this planet, based on agreements your souls made to support each other, prod each other, push each other, all in the name of learning lessons through these experiences – which can be positive or negative, but most definitely explosive. If they’re positive, they can feel like “love at first sight”, or a “match made in heaven”, or “meant to be”, but if they’re negative, they can feel unsettling, terrifying, threatening. These experiences tend to be repetitive in their patterns and behaviors. The reason for that is because your soul is prompting to teach a lesson through these experiences. Lessons about love, self-love, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, but also self-esteem, self-respect, self-inquiry. You soul wants you to learn to be joyful, courageous, free. The experiences in your life come up again and again in various forms until you learn those lessons. The lessons usually start with a whisper (as if a nagging feeling, or an ugh in your gut) that something is wrong, and the more you ignore those feelings, the louder those lessons get.

It sounds like you’ve had a long history of putting up with situations that feel wrong in your gut. Try to go deeper and ask yourself not just what’s wrong, but what these experiences are trying to teach. We all get caught up in our expectations of this is how a mom is “supposed to be”… or this is how a relationship is “supposed to be”… but in reality the only thing that’s real about your relationship is what it actually is. You cannot expect your mom to change (unless she wants to). The only person you have any control over is You. You can change how you act and react. You can set an example of how you’d like a mom to be. You can create your own world with the inner and outer changes you make.

So don’t expect something or someone to change for you. You’re the captain of your life. You are in control of your ship. Steer it the way you’d like to live.

I hope this helps!
Namaste, Saiisha