I like this post. I do think a balance can be achieved between rational (or “reason”) mind and emotion mind. DBT refers to the convergence of the two as “wise mind”.

I think it is very important to be aware of one’s feelings as well as one’s rational mind. Growing up I was told “don’t get all emotional”, and my dad modeled that instruction, so I was ashamed of my feelings as well. It’s worth noting here that my dad has no friends and isn’t happy. He’s so emotionally unavailable that he’s uncomfortable with just about anything except the joys of playing cards with his family.

You felt out of control because your Christian upbringing told you or modeled for you what? That you weren’t supposed to feel sexual attraction? I consider feelings as feelings–they simply “are”. Trying to deny a feeling generally leads to suffering, at least in me. Does that contribute to your low self-esteem do you think?

I can also relate to some of your other points: I too have gained weight (though I’ve lost a little recently due to emotional distress), and have no job. I’m 39 and have always had low self esteem.

This might be a personal question, but do you cry? I do, often (even when I’m not emotionally distressed). I didn’t use to, though. It wasn’t ok to cry growing up, and so I cried only after things got so pent up that it had to come out in an explosion. When I started becoming more open and sharing, in my early 30s, I noticed that I’d cry out of empathy.

Thanks for the post.