Sarah,

I can very much relate to carrying stuff around from childhood, stuff that I don’t need anymore or don’t want. It’s a hard way to live, being worried because others worry about you. Given all that you wrote, it does look to come straight from your mother. I gotta agree with anita: you need to have your mother out of your life. Don’t give her a way back in (such as “Can you call me every other day?” or something similar). From what you write she seems utterly poisonous to you. Do you think you can do this? I really hope so.

How much do you practice breathing and/or meditating? With practice, these can help too. But removing your mother from your life certainly seems to be the most important single thing you can do right now.