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Anxiety Ridden, Stunted personal growth.

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  • #83413
    Sarah
    Participant

    I feel lost lately. I feel like things are spiraling out of control. I’m full of anxiety constantly. I let everyone elses emotions weigh on me. My mom; she depends on me so much. I’m 28 years old, just bought a house, trying to live my life.. But my mom depends on me to be her emotional crutch. Quick back story, my dad left her because she was mentally and physically abusive to us both. Sure, I bet there is more to their marriage, but as their child I don’t care to know their problems. BUT my mom forces their issues on me. Its tiring. It hurts me to constantly hear her bashing my dad, because he left her. I take her for groceries, we spend a lot of time together. We’ve gotten into a pattern; a pattern I am looking to break from. I don’t want to do groceries every Sunday. I don’t want to check in fifty times a day, while texting. I don’t want to feel obligated to tell her where I am going, and with whom. I want her to start treating me like an adult, who pays their mortgage and works a full time job… I get anxiety when I see her number pop up on my screen. Her words hurt when things don’t go her way. She lashes out at me because of my Dad.

    Two weeks ago, my grandpa on my fathers side passed away. It’s been a rough two weeks, between funeral planning, and eulogy writing, and grieving. He was one of my best friends; he was my rock and always there when I needed a support system where my parents were concerned. Its been hard losing him. My mom didn’t come to his funeral, but was more worried about who exactly showed up.

    I am at a cross road. I don’t know how much longer I can keep putting up with the way she treats me. I hope this makes sense, but I feel like my parents have stunted my growth as an adult. I feel as though I am still a child, because I am being treated like one – I’m not allowed to have secrets because its a constant pry. I can’t drive to the mountains alone, because they might worry. I’m trying to hard to be my own person, but I feel like I am being constantly knocked down by other peoples insecurities. Or because they are scared.

    I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I am exhausted, anxious and my heart is heavy.. Same with my mind. I need some peacefulness.

    #83414
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sarah:

    I highly recommend that you end your relationship with your mother. No texting, no calling, no visiting, nothing. You owe her nothing and your self sacrifice for her so far has filled you with anxiety, distress and you are exhausted. You have the right to choose who is in your life and who is not.

    anita

    #83416
    Brian
    Participant

    Sarah,

    I can very much relate to carrying stuff around from childhood, stuff that I don’t need anymore or don’t want. It’s a hard way to live, being worried because others worry about you. Given all that you wrote, it does look to come straight from your mother. I gotta agree with anita: you need to have your mother out of your life. Don’t give her a way back in (such as “Can you call me every other day?” or something similar). From what you write she seems utterly poisonous to you. Do you think you can do this? I really hope so.

    How much do you practice breathing and/or meditating? With practice, these can help too. But removing your mother from your life certainly seems to be the most important single thing you can do right now.

    #83418
    jock
    Participant

    How courageous you are Sarah!
    I agree with Anita.
    Strict boundaries with your mother until she gets the message.
    That will take a long time.(that she gets the message)
    You need to make a brave decision to protect yourself even though that nagging voice inside will say “don’t be so cruel”.That voice will try to make you feel guilty! Don’t fall for it. Be strong!

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