Hi Melissa.

I went through a similar situation but I wont get into it because the details are not relevant. Just wanted to tell you this so you know my advice is first hand.

Firstly, dont tell his sister. Talking should happen beetwen you and your ex if any talking happens at all.

When I found out my ex cheated on me, I was devestated. I wasnt really considering her feelings as Lori suggests when I confronted her on it. I dont think you should focus on his feeling all that much. He clearly was not very worried about yours so why should you give him a free pass. As I write this, my previous sentences read suspiciusly like revenge but it is definetely not about that. What I want to say is you should first and foremost consider your own feelings and only then the feelings of others in situations when your own sanity is in jeopardy.

So my opinion is you should confront him. You should keep in mind that there are many scenarios that are possible when this happens. There are favourable ones which leave you instantly with peace of mind and there are scenarios where he is cold and distant and that might hurt you even more. If you want to confront him you should be prepared to face all these scenarios meaning that you have to be prepared to relieve the intense feelings of your break up and realize that whatever his reaction is you will have closure.

What I am very elaboratelly trying to say and failing at it is that you have to realize you have two options.

1. Not confronting him and be prepared to possibly live with these feelings for a long time and possibly harm future relationships with you wounds from this relationship
2. Confront him, get to know the truth behind why he did this, and learn to trully understand his feelings. This might be really painful in short term but I am sure it will give you peace of mind in the long haul.

I can give you how this went down with my ex and maybe you will better understand what I am aiming at.
We have decided that we need a week to sort things out and to try to figure out what we want. After about a day she texted me we were over. While I was also leaning in that direction this swept me off my feet. My thinking was: “How can she throw away 4 years in just 1 day!” I knew something fishy was up so when I saw her when we exchanged some stuff I asked her how could she decide so quickly. She told me that she kissed a friend who I knew that she had a thing for when we were together but she never admited it. So we had a conversation about it. It was very calm and understanding and the point was: The relationship with me was not for good her and she just needed that little push which materialized as that kiss. I am not kidding, when I say I completely understood what she was saying and I was at peace.

Sure, my story is my story and you might not have peace of mind right away, but I can promise you that if what he says is the honest to God truth and you really try to understand his thinking I am a 100% sure that it will eventually give you a truer peace of mind then I if you just try to let it go just by yourself.

I hope I made some sense. English is not my first language and my thoughts are annoyingly incoherent in my native language. 🙂

I wish you only the best!
Matic

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Matic.