Hi TheDaydreamer!

I will be totally honest, as I think you wish I am!

There are many red flags if you ask me. Some more orangy and some bright red.

The orangy ones are the lying. I think he lied to you because in his mind the thing which he lied about is not a big thing while he knew to you it will be a huge thing. But lying is still not ok. About the lying and this stuff I will post a link to a video that might proof helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOy4cFzWz1Q

Ok. For me the really bright red flag is the reward thing. It is flirty and in my mind that is not ok. If it is ok with you that is entirely up to your standards. It does not necesarilly mean there is something really up, but what it definetely means is there have been some thoughts about it. It is normal to feel atraction to other people but there is a line. The line, in my mind, is crossed when you act on it in any way. If you cannot be totally platonic especially with your ex then staying friends is a really stupid idea and it is made even stupider if it jeoperdizes the current relationship you are in as in your case.

I suggest that you confront him. You also made a mistake with your snooping and you should be held accountable for your mistake. This is how it is in life. When you keep yourself accountable you grow and you better yourself by doing the right thing. The perfect example of this is weight resistance training. Anyways… Confront him. Decide beforehand what your standards about the while thing are and enforce them. You should not undervalue yourself. But also be reasonable. You should not build an unsustainable situation by telling him he should not see his ex anymore. This is bad practice and it never works out. I think the video pretty much sums it up.

Hope your situation is resolved in a positive manner.

Have a great day.
Matic