Dear pikachumew2,

You should first know you are very brave and strong because you’ve come up so far, and never surrendered to the dark thought of suicide. You are very brave because you decided to share this with us, and it is the proof that you want to change, to move forward, to evolve and let go of what hurts. Just for that, right now, you can be proud of yourself.

You are who you are, if you’re not the stereotypical black girl, that is absolutely OK! if it makes you feel any good i’m a dutch/moroccan with asian origins, I love and draw anime, I attend to japanese concerts, I dream to be a writer with stories that will make people smile or help them. Be proud of who you are, if you’re already proud, then you’re one step ahed than your mother.

Her problems are not yours, and she shouldn’t in any case put the blame on you or see you as a punching ball. You have to find a way to disconnect your thoughts brought by the abuse and block the negative energy coming from your mother. It is not an easy task and it’s quite difficult when it’s coming from a parent, but it can be a weight on your soul. These type of persons are called energy vampires, that suck out the positive and spit the negative on us.

Consider practicing mindfulness, meditation and yoga, it may sound silly, I used to think the same, but it really helped me a lot and to let go of what hurts/harms my soul; and I realised how wrong I was looking at life because of some bad events that occured in my life. Give it a try by listening to Mr. Jon Kabat Zinn’s speech on mindfulness, it’s an hour speech but it’s all worth to listen to.

Never give up on any dream, because believe me they do come true after all the hard work ( even if it seems endless ). When you do that, step by step, by falling, crying but always getting up, someday you’ll look back and you’ll have reached a whole new level, you’ll be able to tell your mom ” look I did it!”

I do pray that she will someday admit her mistakes ( parents are humans after all )and will accept to seek help from a therapist or even join you in the process and that all of these events will become memories from the past. It is never too late to start and live a hapy life!

Oh and if you’re still looking into losing weight or shaping your form, pilates and cardio exercises. Do this for yourself, not for others, and no matter what shape you are of personality you have, you are beautiful as you are and you have the right to bloom! So bloom dear and keep us updated of your progress! You are never alone.