Yeah I’m going to talk about purpose.

I have always felt that there is a reason I am here. I call it God but it doesn’t have to be. Whenever I’ve been at my lowest ebb I’ve always felt that it was just a phase. I always knew I was going to get through everything I’ve been through because there’s a reason I’ve been put here.

I’ve been through some seriously shit times and wanted to give up but a sense of purpose keeps me going. Something refuses to let me give up even though I occasionally want to. I call that God, but it doesn’t have to be.

Now, a sense of purpose is not the same as ambition. I have ZERO ambition in the entire world – there’s nothing I strive for, there’s nothing I am aiming for, I have no goals. When I look into the future I see myself dying of cancer. I feel like I am one of the chosen in that respect. Oh well. I’m not afraid of that. When that’s my time, it’s my time.

In the meantime, for a girl with no goals and no ambition and ready to hop off the planet whenever I’m called, I feel am overwhelming sense of purpose.

I don’t think it’s an accident that I’ve been through my shit and come out the other side and am able to empathise with others in similar places. I don’t think it’s an accident that my pull is to stand beside hurting people and let them know someone is listening. It is not an accident that I have just volunteered to join the Samaritans

It is because I am living this life of no ambition and no goals that I am free and open to living in the now and being able to sense and feel the hurt of others around me and have the care and strength to help others. I have saved lives. I have talked a man off a bridge and off a cliff and done a sort of online Samaritan thing.

And do you know what I appreciate myself for as well? When I am in a shit state – when I feel I am just not coping, when I have been abused anbeen a junkie etc etc etc – I never told anybody ever when I was living through it because I knew I was going to be ok and FOR ME – I don’t feel the need to talk it all through with people or get advice or think woe is me because FOR ME – I know I am going through this as part of the purpose. I know … I am going to make a difference in the world – just person by person, listen by listen , stand beside by stand beside. I am a very strong woman and I know why I’m here. I call it God, but it doesn’t have to be