tough situation I admit welding
First it seems you are blaming yourself as you use capitals.
It’s not all your fault at all but here are some things I would do if in your situation:
– get some discipline into your daily life, wake up, do some exercises, maybe pray or meditate (too weird?), read some positive stuff (I prefer books to the net. You might want to visit the local library)
-watch your nutrition, fruit and veges?
-visit a local GP doctor and tell him your story
-contact some lifeline/social services nearest your house
-borrow some money for abus trip to a nearby city and spend a day lookingat jobs and the vibe (can I live here?)

You are going to make some tough decisions soon. If possible ask to borrow 5000 bucks from your parents(possible?). Tell them you want to go to a big city and find a job and be independent)
And finally get some other advice besides mine… 🙂