Dear Phoebe:

I want to make a point about empathy in an abusive relationship (which is your relationship with your sister, she abusing you):

When person A is being abused by person B, it is not the job of person A to feel empathy for person B. It is not appropriate for person A to engage and act on empathy for person B. It is person A’s job and responsibility to get away or otherwise stop the abuse. Not to feel empathy for the abuser.

I feel very strongly about this as I experienced it in my life, feeling empathy for my abuser and that kept me trapped in sickness. i finally realized that although my abuser deserves empathy for her sufferings, it is not MY empathy that she deserves. And I hope she gets empathy from someone that is not being abused by her or was not abused by her (with no repair).

Since you live in the same house, can you strongly assert yourself with her, talk harshly with her, that is tell her with force in your voice and body language, tell her in no uncertain terms that her input is not invited, that you want to hear nothing from her but the most trivial things, like who is using the bathroom first and food business in the refrigerator, stuff like that but nothing else!

anita