mmm good one Anita…
my problem is more self-esteem related than love related. Does that make incense?
My mother loved me but her self-esteem was low so I never felt it. My father was a gentle guy with moderate to low self-esteem but his love was more effectual. he was more cheerful than my mother. Mum was kind of passive but an extremely hard worker. A good person but if I can be critical she was status conscious and afraid to look silly in front of others. (her family were that way too, conservative)
My parents were protective of me to some extent. I wasn’t allowed to have a bicycle until age 12 whereas my older brothers had one at age. 5 or 6. My father lacked confidence when it came to investments and often consulted my older brothers. I felt my older brothers’ status became that of surrogate parents to us younger ones.
I took longer than my older brothers to forge an identity. Even now, I hesitate to take a strong stand on anything. Who is Jack? What does he stand for? I bet my family can’t answer that question. I have played a low profile role in my family. Example, my older brothers would host family reunions but I don’t have the confidence to say “OK lets have it at my house”. I don’t have the motivation either I guess. I’m afraid I’ll be judged by them for my effort.
I think I love myself if I’m not in a social situation. I am an introvert and can enjoy my own company. I think I have good qualities and a few weaknesses such as lack of courage and focus in a flight or fight scenario.
So Anita you’ve raised an interesting point. Can you have low self-esteem and still love yourself? I think you can….as long as you spend most of your time alone…. 🙂