Dear Jack and Chris: Thank you for your comments.

My answer to my own question: When a person is mistreating me, hurting me repeatedly, it is okay for me to feel hurt for being abused and it is okay for me to feel anger at the abuser. Not only is it okay, it is natural and will happen naturally. The anger naturally occurs when abused so that the abused will be motivated to fight or flee the abuser.

But there is a place for empathy when abused, temporarily: when TRAPPED in an abusive situation, if the abused feels empathy for the abuser and acts with affection toward the abuser, then the abused is maximizing the chances of survival because the abuser may respond positively to the affection by the abused. (This is what Stockholm Syndrome is about, from online: “Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors.”)

Now, when not trapped but abused, there is no benefit to empathy for the abuser. such empathy is a PERVERSION of nature. Once the abuse is over, and no action on the matter is beneficial, there is no benefit for active, ongoing anger either: it keeps the person distressed.

Once abuse is over and no action is required or beneficial, then anger should be relaxed. Empathy for past abusers- when no correction has been made on their part to the satisfaction of the abused- is a PERVERSION of nature. Such forgiveness is for saints, and I don’t believe in saints.

anita