Dear Matic:

I didn’t try to communicate to you that you are a release valve of sort for her, or that you should demand commitment from her. You are also trying to think what she might think (that a relationship with anyone is not right for her). Then you are assuming she is in a crappy relationship just like the one you had… which is not likely the case.

Your original post was clear and very sensible. Three hours later you “sound” hurried etc. so your state of mind is different. This is why I suggested you re-read LATER when you are calm. This is an important point- when distressed, hurried, rushed, it is not time to analyze and understand and figure out what to do.

Here is what you wrote on a second post on this thread: “I really do not want to get stuck in the so-called friend zone. Maybe this is a silly concern, but it is a concern non-the-less.” It is a valid concern and I “heard” you, this is why I suggested to tell her how you feel in a way that honors you, make yourself visible and … fluid, not invisible and STUCK (your word)- I suppose this is scary and anxiety producing, to unstuck yourself and express yourself, but there is much growth possible there. You are very intelligent, what you need, I believe, is courage to communicate honestly your feelings to her in a dignified way, in a way that does not demand commitment from her. This is one important point you missed so far.

If you still do not see my point, please come back to this later. When hurried, distressed, afraid, there is a mental fog and one can’t see through it, no matter how intelligent and how clear at other times. Got to let the fog dissipate.

anita