Dear troy:

I just re-read all your posts on this thread and this is my understanding of what has been and is going on:

When you started reading self help books you were, over some time of reading, amazed at the potential of gaining personal power by manipulating people’s feelings, “making them” feel good, and how that could work for your benefit, in business life and with strangers. You didn’t think of manipulating close friends but strangers and business associates in the future.

This is a testimony, your posts here, to how self-help books can be UNHELPFUL.

So you were a healthy kid, emotionally, started reading these books, became fascinated by some of the principles there and started utilizing them. Utilizing the principles at the cost of your authenticity.

The solution is then to unlearn what you learned, that it is a … good idea to behave certain inauthentic ways so to bring about a certain result. Not a good idea. Focus on being authentic in the same situations that trigger your inauthenticity. Un-smile your face when the fake smile starts taking over your face… Stop yourself from apologizing when you did nothing wrong.

Come back to yourself in those contexts, and those circumstances where you learned, misguidedly, that it is a good idea to take a leave of yourself.

anita