Hi Anita-

That was an extremely powerful post your wrote for me there.

It actually left me speechless that someone else was so easily able to see this issue that I have been developed and have been maintaining.

I have always felt the sense that a lot of my ‘problems’ are not natural, but rather learned and maintained. But I never had it so clear in front of me.

Usually I think, okay I thought my way into this problem, now I’m going to think my way out of it. but the problem in the first place is too much thinking and not enough authenticity. So on a level I would go ‘stop thinking’ and maybe that will work for one day as I am very mindful. But as your mentioned because a lot of these responses like ‘smiling’ to be friendly rather than smiling because you ‘feel like being friendly, have become automatic, so to not think is to let these unhealthy habits and automatic responses play out.

So I guess my goal here is to:
1. Not to over analyse that which I already to authentically and naturally
2. Try to unlearn unhealthy patterns by: challenging inauthentic behavior and reactions.

THE PART WHERE I GET STUCK
Because I am studying psychology and just have an immense interest in these kinds of things, I have a passion for breaking things down. And in this process I often derive a lot of long term benefit. I feel like it goes in cycles though, at times the accumulation of my reflections on self, others, readings of psychology, neuroscience and all kinds of books even on spirituality contribute to a really strong foundation, to when I am in a really authentic emotionally spontaneous mind (usually in the summer holidays where i dont have to force myself to study everyday :P). However, other times, I am left in constant cycles of over analysis of everything that I cant seem to break out of.
–> The problem is that I simoultaneously value this intense analysis, and simoultaneously think that the greatest thing in life in that un-analysed flowing state of spontenoeity and integrated full experience. So currently it seems to go in cycles………so my emotional experience is very inconsistent as I become balanced and inbalanced between these two worlds.

Have you ever had any experience trying to reconcile two things like this.

I really appreciate your posts and the time your taking to chat about this 🙂

Troy