Dear voicewriter:

To gain insight into your very last relationship I do need the relationship with your parents when you were a child. It is very relevant, do not kid yourself. Just because your childhood happened and is done with decades ago, it can very much be alive and well, still working in the present. We carry that child part of us throughout our lives. I want to process what you wrote here:

Your father was very verbally abusive to your mother who was a sweet woman. She did not express her anger toward her husband. She put up with his abuse. You thought she was weak. You as a kid made it a point to not be like your mother, to not be weak, so you were kind of a brat, you write.

When you were with your ex boyfriend (the last one), you abused him (nitpicking, negative criticism…) and you broke up with him again and again. You were disappointed with him for putting up with your abuse. You wrote these things on this thread, you can re read your posts. You thought your bf was weak for accepting your abuse and you lost your loving feelings for him.

Your ex bf was like your mother, accepting abuse and you were like your father, dishing out some abuse (I know, not as bad as your father did…) You lost your respect for your bf because he was like your mother, accepting abuse. Maybe you tested him to see if he takes it or stands against it.

As a child, living with your sweet, submissive mother and your … later abusive father, you LEARNED to be like them, a bit like your mother and some like your father. Be at times submissive and at other times aggressive.

You also mentioned the sexual things. I don’t want details as I am uncomfortable most often with too much details on sexual practices of others, but I wonder IF it is about you being aggressive sexually that you prefer.

I wonder how much you identified with the STRONG parent, your father and how much you detested your mother for being weak. I wonder how much these patterns have played in your relationships with men and with the last one.

What do you think, any bells?

anita