Dear peach456:

a different version of my response to you:

It is very common for women, especially young women, newly married, to have unrealistic expectations of marriage, an expectation built into our brains with fairy tale stories, books, movies… storied that end with “And they lived happily ever after.”

It is common for young (and some not so young) women to look at the man they marry as the source of their happiness (when happy) and as the source as their despair (when despairing). The woman looks at the man not as a fellow human being with the same vulnerabilities, the same human mind and heart, struggles and fears, but as an idealized version of a Father Figure.

The above are delusional thinking that will cause your marriage to be miserable whether it ends or not.

To promote your own maturity, your own correct thinking and make a good life possible for you, please do not focus on what inconveniences you about your husband, what about his habits and personality is not convenient for you. Instead accept him as the imperfect human that he is, and EQUAL as far as his mental challenges and struggles.

You know the saying “big boys don’t cry”- well, they do. When they try to not cry and to appear strong, it cuts their lives short. When they try to not cry, they may drink too much and otherwise use whatever they can so to get by, not crying.

So, help him and ask him to help you, but do help him. Be his best friend. Give him a SAFE place in you and in your home, for him to be comfortably himself. Learn to live with him in peace and gradually communicate more and more about how to be the best Best Friend to each other.

Best Wishes to you and to your husband:

anita