Hi boykismet,

My story is very similar to yours. I understand where you are at mentally, emotionally and physically. It is a horrible place to be and I am sorry that you are going through the pain.

What most people don’t understand about being HIV+ is that while it is no longer a death sentence, it IS a life sentence. And to be honest…there are days that I don’t feel like a life sentence is better than a death sentence. Like you, I am incredibly blessed and know that I could be much more worse off than I am now. But some days, that is not enough to keep me from being completely overwhelmed by my status.

If I could give you any kind of advice, it would be to create a new definition of what “whole again” means to you. Unfortunately, we can never go back to our pre-HIV+ days. We will never have that life again. Hopes, dreams and even rules that applied in our old lives are gone and we are left to build new ones. It is grueling and exhausting at times, but it can be done. If I could encourage you in anyway, it would be to find the empowerment in defining your new life and hope that it leads to excitement about the future you are building.

More than anything, I wish I could reassure you that yes, The Universe is teaching you a lesson and what the reason is for that lesson. But unfortunately, I cannot because only YOU can learn the lesson. Instead, I will reassure you that you are not alone and who you are right now at this very moment IS good enough. You don’t have to be more for anyone but yourself. You are a piece of The Divine and you are perfect they way you are.

Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself,
d

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by danaken.