Anita,
I just get really bad with abandonment issues that’s why I’m so scared of you going is what she said. In her past relationships she would always have someone and they would leave her for someone else or she was hearing or had a bad feeling they were cheating so she was the one who did. She also said the reason she’s afraid of that is Cause that’s how her fear works. She thinks someone else will yet she ends up doing something. She’s afraid she Will cut that gash or suicide. (that was said last night, she takes meds for depression/ptsd and it gets really bad if she doesn’t take her meds) She forgot her meds here at the job place and she doesn’t get them until Monday. But I am calling her almost as much as I can and checking on her, she is doing better, not thinking about suicide. I also remember her saying that she is just so used to it from the past that its a feeling that I guess stayed with her. She knows I wont do anything and I believe she wont, but last night when I heard that it scared me, because she told me she would never do that to me. That she loves me too much to hurt me. So I made up my mind that I’m going to move with her and find a different job close to her. I do want her to be my wife someday, and that is already something we are talking about.